Your happiness, your responsibility


Years and years ago someone told me that she talked to her therapist of a friend who had an expectation of being happy in her life.  That friend was apparently me and, at the time, I denied it of course but secretly thought 'doesn't everyone have that expectation?'.  A few years later our lives began to unravel in spectacular fashion and I kind of gave up on the idea that happiness should be expected and I began to settle for second best, for happy most of the time or even happy some of the time.  Recently I've come to realise that happiness is out there for the taking but it has to come from within; in effect the only person we can, and should, rely on for our happiness is ourselves.  You can fill your life with the loveliest people (and I have), you can have most of what you want in life but the happiness itself cannot, and should not, rely on anyone else and certainly not on any one person.  This morning I thought about the little red sports car I've promised myself sometime soon; of my travel adventure list and all the places I've been adding to it; of my friends, all of whom are amazing; of Jake and the 6 year old who never fail to fill me with joy and I smiled as happiness flooded through me and I realised I'll be ok as long as I have myself to rely on.


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Comments

Tehachap said…
Interesting note about the lawn mower. We do find ourselves learning new skills that we never thought about having. Such role reversals are always a surprise. Sad that your husband is so quiet about his inner feelings. I feel blessed that I can still discuss difficult subjects with my husband. Blessings and take care -- thanks again for being here and sharing your life.
Tehachap said…
This comment was supposed to show up on the post that talked about the lawn mower you'd brought over from your mum's place -- strange that I'm seeing it here instead. That said, my comment for this post about happiness is that you are so very right. Happiness does come from within. You are in control of your reaction to life, and happiness is one of the primary reactions.
Frank said…
If happiness comes from within, how does depression fit into that idea? I read that our defense against anxiety is our ability to chose our next thought. I wonder if that is true. Do we chose our thoughts? If so, no one should be depressed or sad.
Jane said…
I don't have any experience of depression so can't comment on that but I do think, depression aside, that if we work hard enough to be happy we can be. It does however take effort and it really has to be something you want and some days it's much, much harder than others.
Anonymous said…
Just to jump in...depression isn't a mind set, it's a medical condition so just trying to think yourself happy is never going to work. It can be used to mitigate the condition but without the correct drugs, and therapies (if you can get/afford them) it's never just going to go.
Jane said…
I do understand that which is why I said I can't comment on it and I was trying to differentiate between depression and the way the rest of us can sometimes (and I know not always) focus on the positive if we try hard enough. sorry I obviously wasn't clear enough.
Anonymous said…
It was more a reply to Frank than you :)
Jane said…
that's alright then :)
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