Out this morning with a friend for a walk in the glorious Lincolnshire Wolds.  We do this every week, walk for about an hour and a half and always cover a wide range of subjects as we cover the miles.  Today we talked teenage daughters, siblings, dogs, friendships and relationships including my now discarded plan for a toy boy under the stairs.  This particular friend never makes suggestions for my life, never approves or disapproves but usually just looks at me and laughs when I come up with some outrageous idea and then listens while I outline my thoughts before laughing some more.  She did all of this with the toy boy idea but then we got onto relationships in general, which was far more wide reaching, and whether it was possible to be in one while still remaining fully independent.  This was of course linked to my post of a few days ago only our discussion wasn't particularly dementia related but instead covered all new relationships.  I do know I've been lucky to have Ash in my life but I also know I've come a long way in the two and a half years since that diagnosis.  At the beginning I cried and cried partly because I was frightened at the thought of a future on my own; how would I manage without him?  who would drive those long distances if I wanted to go somewhere?  what about all the jobs around the house and garden that he's always done?  Since those days of crying (every single day for three whole months and then in gradually diminishing episodes until now when I can't remember the last time I did) I've grown as a person; I can drive the long distances myself, I can do the DIY, I'm rarely fazed by anything and am facing the future, if not with relish, at least with equanimity so the conclusion we came to this morning is that if everyone could find this confidence new relationships wouldn't be so frightening to contemplate as we'd be going into them not because we were worried about being alone but because we just wanted to be with that particular person.  A friend emailed me after the 'dating app' post to tell me about her mum.  The friend said 'my mum was widowed for a second time at 50 and is now 85 and never had another relationship no meals, trips or memories shared/created. She’s been and is lonely. I would not want that for myself having watched her'.   I've had lots of emails and replies to that post but this was the one that resonated with me.  Not the 'being lonely' because I have wonderful friends who I know wouldn't let that happen but the idea of years and years without a special someone with whom to create memories.  BUT that doesn't mean I don't intend to live independently in my own house surrounded by my own things.  It's just that sometimes life is more than that.  I also have a comfort for those who told me they would avoid relationships in the future in order to ensure they weren't trapped by dementia again.  If this is you then just look back to when life began to go horribly wrong.  Was that immediately before the diagnosis or did it begin long before that?  If your experience was anything like ours things were horrible for a very long time.  I fought and fought to get us back on track for years until I realised it was futile and I know I wouldn't do it again so I'd be long gone before dementia was ever mentioned and there'd be no possibility of being trapped all over again.  This still might not be a future way of life for you and that's fine, you know what you want, but don't dismiss my 'dating app' idea completely.  You never know when it might be useful.

Don't forget you can sign up to have this delivered straight into your inbox, just remember to click on the validation email (which may be in your junk mail/trash box).  You can share specific posts with others by clicking on the 3 dots at the top right hand corner of the page, you can share the blog by copying and pasting the web address or you can email me at if you have anything you want to say privately.  You can also now follow me on twitter, just search for Memory For Two, and you can find me on facebook