The positivity of a blue coat.

I'm feeling pretty good about life in general and myself in particular right now.  Just so you know, I'm one step nearer the bright red sports car which has helped in the life stakes and today I tried on my favourite coat (bright blue, not my usual black) only to find it's far too big and that I can in fact almost wrap it around myself twice.  This is practically in the miracle class because when I bought it there was no spare material and the only reason I got that particular size was because I was too vain to get the next size up.  Today I put it on, looked in the mirror and realised I was either going to have to have it taken in or invest in a new one.  So just those two things have lifted me further than I would have thought possible and made me think about a conversation I had with a friend recently  over whether I've given up my life for Ash and his dementia. Some might look at us and think I have; my life has certainly got narrower, days out are a thing of the past, holidays will be once a year if Jake can come over and stay with Ash, weekends away also depend on Jake, conversation in the house is non-existent etc, etc.  So there's all of that BUT I would also say that life is, in so many ways, much better than it was before.  If it wasn't for dementia I would still be working and, while we'd be better off financially, I wouldn't be at home to appreciate the garden; I wouldn't have time to spend with my friends; I wouldn't have had time to make the new friends I have; I wouldn't have discovered how awesome all my friends are; I wouldn't have lost this weight; I wouldn't have discovered the wonderful country walks almost from our doorstep and consequently be the fittest I've ever been ...... So life has certainly changed and there are things missing from my life now that would still be there if not for dementia but that doesn't mean this has been a disaster in any way, shape or form.  Instead I'd like to think that my horizons have widened, both now and as I look into the future, and it's my personal choice to make sure Ash's dementia doesn't define me.  Now I think I might just go and try on that coat again!

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