Why plan for a dementia free future?
Yesterday's post brought responses in it's wake, mostly positive but some noticing that I seem to be planning for a future without Ash and with a question mark next to that. No awful comments, no difficult statements, just a raised eyebrow here and there. Some of those are outsiders looking in and this is where I think it's important to make it completely clear that, although I am doing just that, I don't have a date in mind, I'm not waiting with baited breath for this to end, I just like to know I have a future waiting for me and that knowledge and those plans are what keep me sane and on track. Being with a husband/wife/life partner who is living with dementia is a lonely place. I have amazing friends who keep me occupied, make me laugh and listen when (occasionally) my barriers come down but they're not Ash and he won't ever be there again to listen to me, to offer support or to give me a shoulder to lean against so I have to think for myself, plan for myself and give myself a life to look forward to. I've always had a tendency to dream big but I'm also able to accept the realities of life so I may dream of, and plan for, a three month road trip around the USA but I know it's more likely to be two weeks in one place if I even get that far. So I draw up my lists and I make my plans just in case; I add to them on a regular basis and at some time in the future I just might be able to start working my way through them but if not there was so much fun to be had in the planning that in some ways it won't really matter. Interestingly, when dementia first entered our lives officially, I used to think of all the places we'd been together and think 'could I go back on my own?' (you may be unsurprised to hear that the answer was usually 'yes') but recently I've been talking to Jake about ways in which he can come over on a regular basis and stay with his dad so that I can have four days away every couple of months and I've decided to go to all the places in the country Ash never wanted to visit. It will be my own adventure and just for me.
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Don't forget you can sign up to have this delivered straight into your inbox, just remember to click on the validation email (which may be in your junk mail/trash box). You can share specific posts with others by clicking on the 3 dots at the top right hand corner of the page, you can share the blog by copying and pasting the web address www.memoryfortwo.com or you can email me at memoryfortwo@gmail.com if you have anything you want to say privately. You can also now follow me on twitter, just search for Memory For Two, and you can find me on facebook https://www.facebook.com/Memory-for-Two-287197572048864.
Comments
I have to look into the future for some hope that I can have a life of some description : a life that is currently on hold.It is not being selfish to wish that a future might exist where I will be able to enjoy visiting places and friends without having to plan it like a military operation! Without such hope I don't know how I would be able to cope.