Dementia isn't all about compromise

I might have told you this story before but one Easter weekend several years ago Ash suggested we went for a walk with the dog.  It was pouring with rain and the wind was howling but he was so enthusiastic that I couldn't bring myself to say no so out we went in the car, stopping on the way for coffee to warm us up before we ventured out properly.  I dawdled so slowly from the warm coffee shop to the car that Ash snapped at me and almost shouted 'would you rather be at home in front of the fire?'  To this day I have no idea exactly how he expected me to reply because as far as I could see the answer was obvious but, as an awful lot of us have discovered over the years, marriage is a compromise and so I got in the car and off we went for that walk which was invigorating if nothing else.  Now however I'm discovering that, although dementia brings a great deal of compromise in its wake, in some ways it also brings freedom.  Yesterday there was something I really wanted to watch on the TV but it was right in the middle of the afternoon and, as the sun was at its height, I wondered how I was going to explain why I wanted to sit inside when I would normally have been out gardening and topping up the tan.  Well girls and boys I'm here to tell you that no explanation was needed because what I'd forgotten was that Ash doesn't actually notice what I do nowadays or is in any way interested and so I was free to do what I wanted when I wanted.  Some people might think this is a sad state of affairs but personally I felt completely liberated and it reminded me that this dementia affected life isn't all bad.

Don't forget you can sign up to have this delivered straight into your inbox, just remember to click on the validation email (which may be in your junk mail/trash box).  You can share specific posts with others by clicking on the 3 dots at the top right hand corner of the page, you can share the blog by copying and pasting the web address or you can email me at if you have anything you want to say privately.  You can also now follow me on twitter, just search for Memory For Two, and you can find me on facebook


Frank said…
My wife is away for a couple of days. I too enjoy the peace, the freedom from interruption, and the freedom to choose. I understand why you enjoy the good things that come with freedom. Of course, there are negatives that come with the freedom. But, for a change, this is great.
Jane said…
It really is isn't it Frank. Make sure you enjoy every minute of it. I relish the silence that my own company gives me and it really helps me recharge my batteries.