Had a difficult couple of days with Ash where he's been more confused than usual and less able so now waiting to see whether it's just a blip or a slide down the slippery slope. When Jake was little I once described his childhood as lurching from one phase to the next with each lurch coming just as I'd become used to the current one and this experience with dementia seems to be very similar but in reverse. With Jake each phase saw him become more capable, develop more skills and, if I'm honest, turned him into a useful and funny human being. Dementia on the other hand sees us travelling in the opposite direction so that the things Ash could do last week aren't necessarily on the list of things he can do this week and the sad thing is that he realises it and it frightens him. Yesterday, for the first time since his diagnosis, he talked about what's happening to him and how it makes him feel and it's obvious that he's scared but there's nothing either of us can do about the direction of travel and all I can do is make sure his life is as easy and stress free as possible while at the same time retaining my sanity. Today has been easier and that may have something to do with the fact that we've talked about it but then again it might just be because he's forgotten about being frightened. Who knows? I certainly don't.
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