Grey or technicolour, it's up to you

 I've realised recently that my life is lived in colours.  When I was younger everything was in technicolour helped along by Ash who was always ready for an adventure, always ready for the next caper and always ready for a new fun experience.  Then life got serious and things became quite black, especially when dementia first came knocking and, almost simultaneously, our circumstances took a tumble in more ways than we could ever have imagined.  For a while it seemed that nothing could go right but inch by inch we dragged ourselves out of the abyss  and got back on our feet but life was grey.  Then dementia really took hold and we were back to black again from where I thought we would never emerge.  Recently though life has crept back into technicolour; apart from the odd hiccup my strategies seem to be working and, as long as I don't drop my guard, Ash is content in his world which means I have time to focus on me, on the weight loss, the exercise, the healthy eating and in turn I feel good about myself which means he feels better and our life is the very opposite of a vicious circle.  I feel sad sometimes of course that I'm not part of his world but as long as he feels safe my life is easier so I think it's worth the effort.  The difficulty however is that I'm walking a tightrope between caring for him and living for me and I'm not sure I'll ever get that balance quite right.  If I succeed then our lives will continue in technicolour for a while to come but if I fail then we're back to black and life becomes a struggle.  Which would you go for and how do you make sure you stay bathed in colour?

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