A new me
Before lockdown I'd lost some weight and thought about getting fit but hadn't really done anything more serious than that. Then came the big announcement that we all had to 'stay home and stay safe', when there was nothing to do and nowhere to go, and I thought to myself that if I was ever going to make those necessary changes this was the time. No excuses, no distractions , just get on with it and that's what I did. I worked my way through the 9 week 'Couch to 5 K' programme, actually finishing it this time instead of giving up at week 6 which is what happened with previous attempts; I started walking on the days I wasn't running discovering, in the process, lovely back lanes that are usually full of traffic; I got rid of my bad eating habits and embraced a healthier diet; I did all of these things and gradually I got fitter and lost more weight until now, six months later, when I've dropped almost 3 dress sizes and feel better than I've felt for years. This is all great but the effect it's had on my self esteem is even better. If you are a friend on my facebook page you can look through all my photos and struggle to find one of me just because I hated having my photo taken and I hated it because I never looked as good as the picture I had of myself in my head. Instead I looked at myself and was faced with reality which wouldn't do at all. Anyhow, back to this new me and the fact that yesterday I took a photo of myself that I actually liked. I'm not perfect, I still have weight to lose and there are far more wrinkles than are strictly necessary but all in all I find I can look at it without wincing and this is a good thing because I have no Ash to tell me I look good, no Ash to tell me that he loves me whatever size I am and instead I live with a stranger who looks through me even if I'm wearing something nice. In fact this stranger is unnerved by the new clothes I've bought which are colourful and stand out and instead much prefers me in the black I always wore in order to hide from the world. So my lessons from this are that self esteem has to come from within and if you want to change yourself you are the only one who can do it.
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