Dementia tightens it's grip again.

The really good run we've had of the previous few days was of course too good to last but I've been let down surprisingly gently.  Yesterday was all about the new car; Ash was enthusiastic, seemed to know what was happening and it felt as though he was playing a part in it even though that part was necessarily limited.  I'd made an appointment to look at cars this morning too, about half an hour away from home, and the discussion last night was all about that appointment, where we were going and what time we needed to be there which was lovely and unexpected.  This morning was a whole new ball game and anyone living a life affected by dementia would have seen that coming.  Ash woke up confused and the confusion continued.  He couldn't find what he needed for breakfast (it was all in the usual place in the fridge), he didn't know where to take the dog for his walk (he only ever goes one of two routes), he didn't know where I was when I was out of the house (I go for a walk every morning at the same time) and on and on.  I suggested he stay at home while I went car hunting but that wouldn't do and so we went round and round in circles until I suggested again that he stay at home.  Suddenly a calm seemed to descend, he decided to do just that and it was as though a weight had lifted from his shoulders.  His mood lightened, the confusion disappeared and all was right in his world again.  What was lovely about this was the recognition and acceptance that today he needed time to clear his head and what was equally lovely was that after lunch, when I suggested going out for a cup of tea, he agreed immediately.   Life may no longer be as much fun as it once was and he really isn't my Ash any more, but I'll settle for a calm and collected acceptance of the dementia lurking around every corner if I can get it.

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