More than just a 'day in the life of...... '

Today is our wedding anniversary.  Thirty eight years ago today we stood in front of a hundred people and made those vows, agreeing to 'have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part'.  You'll note I hope that, even at the age of 21, I didn't promise to obey but we'd been together six years by the time we got married so Ash knew even then what he was letting himself in for.  My Mum wasn't particularly happy at the way I tied myself down from the age of 15 and those six years before we married were spent battling for the life I wanted with the person I wanted so now if people wonder why, when things are difficult, I don't leave I point to that and say I didn't spend all that time and energy to get what I wanted just to quit when the going gets tough.  This isn't how I envisaged spending our retirement but it is what it is and I'm committed to doing the best I can.  That doesn't mean however that I'm entirely content with the way today has passed with no knowledge on Ash's part of it's importance but things could be worse.  Last year was a disaster just because I had certain expectations.  In the past we've always celebrated important dates such as birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day and wedding anniversaries.  There would have been walks on the beach, maybe a picnic of champagne and smoked salmon, surprise presents, unexpected treats, anything in fact to underline the importance of the occasion to us.  Last year, foolishly, I thought I could recreate those moments and pretend things were still the same so I organised a trip to the beach with a picnic only to realise once we got there that Ash was in a flat panic about it all and just wanted to be at home.  I got upset, he was bewildered and everything was spoiled.  This year I'm wiser and, although I was a little sad this morning that thirty eight years of marriage was passing without comment, it was so much easier than twelve months ago when I still had so much to learn.


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Comments

Frank said…
Thank you for sharing your on going life as it dances with dementia. I admire you sticktoitness. You exemplify what marriage is and how best to deal with the worst of times.
Jane said…
I do try Frank but I'm not a saint and there are days when I fail miserably.
Tehachap said…
Thank you ... My own life experience with birthdays and anniversaries is such that I long ago quit expecting anything out of the ordinary. No disappointments anymore, so less heartache. My dear writer friend's birthday is today, so it's a good day to celebrate!! Blessings to you both.
dasntn said…
It was our 29th Anniversary in August, and it's been a while since cards were sent and even longer since we celebrated. But the thing was, this year I even forgot the day myself! And it wasn't until a day or two after that I remembered.
Dr2n said…
"We" just did 37. Together for 41. We also used to celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. Now nothing. But I got us both presents, cards, ordered a nice dinner. Tried to make merry. A real sign of decline was when he finished eating a tiny portion, he just got up and went back to the couch. No "may I be excused" or "thanks for making it special". So I said it myself. And it was.