What gets you through this?

 Following yesterday's post regarding training my feelings I had a comment on Twitter suggesting that I should show my feelings and let my emotions flow so this morning, when the black clouds threatened to descend, I decided to let them in and see what happened.  Well I can tell you now that, while I'm sure it works well for some people, it does me no good whatsoever and I spent the morning feeling so sorry for myself I could barely function. I thought about everything I/we've lost; all the plans we had which are now gone, all the joint friendships which are changed beyond recognition and all the freedoms we both took for granted.  I thought about the things we used to do without thinking; those times we sat out in the garden until after dark just chatting or listening to the radio, all the holidays we took where we didn't talk to another soul the whole time we were away, the meals out, the visits to friends, the laughter, the fun, until I started to feel overwhelmed by everything that was now missing from our lives and I could feel myself going, once again, into that downward spiral.  Luckily however I recognised the signs in time, gave myself a shake and began to send my thoughts in a different direction, one where there is still laughter even if it's not with Ash, where there are still plans for a future even if it will be very different to the one I originally planned, where there are friends galore both old and new and where I'm beginning to forge a whole new me based on what I want from this new life.  So I'm training my thoughts to go in an upward direction and this morning it helped, as did the phone call with a friend after lunch, a trip to the hairdresser and tea out on the field with yet more friends later on.  And there you have it, a choice between letting my feelings show and my emotions flow in any way they wanted or getting them under control until I began to feel better.  Different things work for different people but this is what works for me.

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