Now it's the turn of the gammon

 Two or three times a week Ash mixes a  bowl of sandwich filling made to his own secret recipe and has it for breakfast and lunch every single day.  I don't know exactly what goes into it but the two main ingredients are ham and cheese so each week I buy a small gammon joint to cook and put in the fridge so that he can help himself and give him some feeling of independence.  Last Thursday there'd obviously been a run on the small joints so we bought a large one which was cut in half, one half was cooked and the other half put in the freezer.  Friday morning Ash made a brand new bowl of sandwich filling using the brand new gammon joint and all was well.  This morning I got back from my walk to be informed that he'd had to get the second joint out of the freezer and it needed cooking which meant he'd used up the first one in two days.  As with the pork pies I hunted in every cupboard in the kitchen as well as every shelf in the wine rack but to no avail.  The gammon from this week had gone the way of the pork pie from last week and was nowhere to be seen.  Now I know this will all sound very amusing and up to know it has been but I hate uncertainty and I hate events without an explanation, possibly because they make me feel as though my life is spinning out of control, so all of this made me feel uncomfortable however I put my head up, shoulders back, told myself it didn't matter which, in the scheme of things it doesn't, and carried on.   Just now I've been attempting to tidy the house and went to put some DVDs away in their cupboard only to find, when I opened it, last week's pork pie staring at me from the front of the shelf.  At that point I discovered that I can now deal with all the big, dementia related stuff with equanimity but put a missing pork pie in front of me and I'm dragged to the edge of reason.  Why is it that a few weeks ago when Ash failed for the very first time to recognise me I was a little sad but today's events have reduced me to a crumpled heap?  And goodness knows where the gammon is!!

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Comments

Tehachap said…
Oh amen! You're so right in that you have to let a lot of things go by the wayside without commenting on them. It all collects inside you, however, and eventually, it has to be let out -- best to take a walk or exercise in some way to release the many negative/worrisome thoughts. Blessings to you. I sure hope you find that gammon... wherever it's been put, eventually it will begin to smell and you'll find it then. Sad...