Dementia is tricky

Living alongside dementia is so tricky isn't it.  One thought after another strikes us and turns our lives into a roller coaster of emotion so that just when we think we've got the hang of things we're knocked sideways by something so small you'd think it would be insignificant.  Yesterday my new electric screwdriver arrived in the post (and yes there is a thought process going on here) so I woke this morning very, very excited at the thought of using it.  In an aside here you might like to know that I've decided to amass my own tool collection on the basis that 1. all of Ash's tools are too heavy for me and 2. he was so good at using them that I just have to look at them and I feel overwhelmed.  I've begun therefore to buy what I need one at a time and then I can learn how to use them in my own time and, more importantly, when he's out and not looking on making me nervous.  So the screwdriver had arrived and I had a plan on where to begin with it which was all good, I had a lovely long video call with friends, had my lunch, walked the Panorama Trail in Switzerland on my treadmill and the day was all going rather well.  Then Ash came back from his afternoon walk with the dog and I mentioned that I was going to bake cheese scones for him.  He loves them and is usually very enthusiastic but today the only response was 'oh' and he disappeared to the other end of the house to watch the tv and that was it, I was down, if not in the depths, then certainly in a hollow and one of my own making too.  I know better than to expect a response and I know it's not his fault when one isn't forthcoming but when I'm on a high, which I was, I want him up there with me however unrealistic that is.  So today, which started with such promise, didn't end quite so well but tomorrow is another day and one which begins with a socially distanced walk with a friend so I have high hopes of life picking up once again.  I also have that screwdriver so watch this space to see what lessons I learn.

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