Thoughts for tomorrow

Not much to report from today other than I wandered the streets of Sorrento this morning courtesy of Youtube and my treadmill and have now added it to my 'afterwards' list and that set me thinking about the whole 'afterwards' thing.  My thoughts on the subject are still jumbled but am resolved to have dissected them enough by tomorrow to be able to share them so thought I might ask you to have a think too.  I have list after list of things I'm putting off for the moment but 'afterwards' is going to involve far more than activities and experiences.  Not so much 'what am I going to do?' but more 'who am I going to be?'  Have you thought about it at all or are you better than me at living in the moment?

Let's talk about it tomorrow and remember it's not an act of disloyalty to think about this it's more an act of survival, at least for me it is.

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Comments

Anonymous said…
Looking forward to reading your thoughts on afterwards. When do you think afterwards begins? How long do you think it will take til afterwards is now? Me I haven’t got a clue my husband is physically very healthy I fear for me afterwards will never come. Jacquie
Tehachap said…
May I ask what brand/model your treadmill is? Ours has broken and we're now shopping for a new one. I like the idea that you can watch travelogues as you walk. I have/had a shelf on our treadmill and I would prop my Kindle on it and read. It really made the time fly by. As for 'afterwards', I'm kind of like Anonymous in that my husband is actually in fairly good health -- even with diabetes, hypertension and kidney disease. He tires easily, doesn't have the stamina he used to have and at times his balance isn't good, but he's hanging in there. His cognitive ability is still declining, albeit slowly. I like that you're staying positive--it's all we can do, really, and it will give us strength to persevere.
Carol said…
As I am over 10 years older than you, I am afraid my ‘afterwards’ is unlikely to give me all the things I am missing out on now. The one thing I hope for is that I am able to visit my daughter and granddaughter in Australia. Most people are desperate for the Covid situation to resolve so that they can go on holiday. For me the tunnel is much longer and darker
Anonymous said…
I'm like Jacquie I question when my afterwards will come. Any other illness there would be timelines attached that lend to expectations. Sometimes I feel like I am in a vacuum living one day at time that has no ending or predictability. Covid only makes it more apparent and isolating. Lynn
Jane said…
The first part of this comment is in answer to Tehachap's question about my treadmill. This is the link https://smile.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07X7DLDR7/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 which should get you to it but if not let me know and I'll post the details. I don't watch the travelogues on it though. to get those I pull it in front of the tv and find a video I want on Youtube so any treadmill would do. I chose this one because it was the smallest and most portable I could find.

As for the rest of your responses to 'afterwards' I've written more on today's blog post and think this discussion could go on for a while. I'm not sure that it's the destination (ie afterwards) that's important because you're quite right and we have no idea when that will be but what is important is the planning so that we're ready for off as soon as we can go. For me the planning has always been where I've had the most fun and that fun continues. planning for the future lifts me out of this life and takes me to somewhere completely different.
Anonymous said…
As I've said many times before, I'm always in awe of how you manage to stay so positive about everything but I think that's the reason that I keep reading your blog - hoping that eventually some of that positivity will rub off on me! Like you, I often daydream about the 'afterwards' and what I'd do/where I'd go but, being the opposite of what I've always been i.e. 'glass half full', I now just can't envisage that ever being possible. As we are both going to be retirement age within the next 2 years, it sometimes hits me like a wall that all the plans we had will never come to fruition but being angry and sad all the time is just not the 'me' I wish to be. So I guess I'll just have to keep dreaming and reading your blog!!
Jane said…
I too used to have those thoughts of anger and sadness but I've realised recently that there are adventures waiting for me that my previous self would never have dreamed of. Think this might just be the subject of today's blog post.
Carol S. said…
I think for me it’s better not to think too far ahead. My partner was only diagnosed a year ago so afterwards could be very far off. I have never been someone who plans ahead anyway. That has helped me in this situation in that we didn’t have grand plans for retirement that have now been shattered. We’ve always tended to make things up as we go along. I prefer to do more short term planning so I’m doing lots of clutter clearing to make the house easier to manage and perhaps to live in if you have dementia ( most of the clutter is mine and I have to admit must have been very difficult for K to live with as he has always been very minimalist really). And once I’ve cleared the clutter in the attached garage I’m considering having it converted into a workshop/ gym type area so I can pursue more of my hobbies as I get more bound to the house.( and perhaps get a treadmill like you when K is no longer able or wanting to do the long walks we still manage to do.). I think it’s important for all of us to do whatever helps us personally stay strong enough to live with this Dementia and care for ourselves mentally and physically. At the moment day dreaming about my life afterwards wouldn’t help but that’s not to mean that in a year or two it might be what keeps me going.
Jane said…
it's interesting how we all deal with our situation in our own way isn't it. I've always loved to plan ahead just so I had things to look forward to and that's what's helping me right now. I can push on with this life as it is now because I know it's not for ever but the short term planning also fills my head hence the treadmill, 'my' bedroom which I love, the virtual walks and hikes around the world, all of which get me from one day to the next. The rest of it gives me a long term strength which has taken me by surprise.
Carol S. said…
I think it’s so important that we give time to really think about what works for us and generally get to know ourselves as individuals not solely as carer, partner, mother, daughter, sister etc. I don’t think it’s selfish because ultimately I think it helps with all our relationships.
Jane said…
You're right, it is important to know who we are and now seems the perfect time to get to know ourselves well.