Another new normal
I find it very interesting how quickly something now becomes normal and everyday. There are things happening in our lives which, when they first began, I had to think long and hard about but now I do without thinking. Driving was one of them, not the fact that I had to drive because I did that most days anyway but in the past it would have been almost unheard of for me to drive while Ash sat in the passenger seat; making the morning tea was something we took turns to do but now I do it every morning without thinking; gardening is something else I've never had to take responsibility for and I wouldn't have been allowed to mow the lawn for fear that the stripes wouldn't be straight yet last summer I got that lawn looking almost as smart as Ash used to and so it goes on; cooking, gardening, picture hanging, wood collecting/sawing, stick chopping, morning/evening cuddles, chats, not much fazes me nowadays either the lack or it or the additions and yet things still happen which take me by surprise and make me realise that dementia is tightening it's grip. Over the last few weeks I've walked into the kitchen twice to find Ash thinking hard before turning on the grill and then, at the beginning of the week, I was reading my book at breakfast when I heard the unmistakeable sound of ticking which comes from the cooker when gas is coming out but there isn't a flame in sight. I walked as nonchalantly as I could into the kitchen and pressed the ignition switch so that the grill burst into life and Ash could make his cheese on toast but I was a little concerned for the future as I tried to work out a solution to that particular problem. Yesterday the problem seemed to have resolved itself when he came through and said he needed me to light the grill and help him make the cheese on toast he wanted once again for breakfast as he couldn't remember what to do and I gave a small sigh of relief, not only that he'd recognised the fact that he didn't know what to do but that he knew it was alright to come and ask and so I guess that's another skill gone but another sign of his trust in me. And once again when it happened at the beginning of the week it was a very odd experience but when it happened yesterday it felt ok and that's what I mean about getting used to the new normal on a very regular basis.