Sleep (or not as the case may be)
So I've been saying that, since I've moved into my own room and have the new bedding and the new mattress, I'm sleeping better and I am or at least I would be if Ash hadn't taken it into his head a couple of nights ago that 12.30 in the morning was a good time to get up. When Jake was little, however deeply I appeared to be sleeping, I always woke up at the first movement from his room and the same happens now with Ash especially when he opens the door at the top of the stairs and switches the staircase light on and so it was this time. He opened his door and not only was I awake but sitting bolt upright in bed before he'd set foot on the stairs, then it was out of bed and a calm voice to coax him back to his room. Of course he went straight back to sleep and, of course, I lay awake until I was sure there wasn't going to be a repeat performance. I still got up at 6.30 on the basis that if I didn't I'd just sleep and sleep which would cause even more confusion for Ash and further difficulties for me. Not a lot of sleep then the night before last and a busy day yesterday hence the recovery on my part continues. On Ash's part there's no problem at all because he has no memory of waking up in the middle of the night so why would he be tired. I, on the other hand, have taken a full two days to recover.
I was thinking about this when I came across a song about why we stay with our loved ones long after our relationship has changed beyond recognition. The song is lovely, says exactly what it's like to be in this situation and isn't depressing, dreary or saccharine. What more could you want? If you want to hear it you can click on this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krVC7m0oNlg&feature=youtu.be and see if that's how you're feeling too. If you like it then feel free to share.
No you won’t turn into a zombie but you will rejoice if you ever get a whole night undisturbed. I am looking forward to the day when my husband accepts that I need a break and he will go into respite care. Not there yet though.
You will cope