Living in the 'now'

I've never understood those people who say that if, as dementia carers, we live in the moment we'll get through this in one piece.  'Now' always seemed too narrow a world and I wanted so much more for me, something to look forward to when I get to the other side of it all.  I still do want more and I'm still planning for a future without Ash because that's just being realistic but I've discovered recently that I'm also happy right here and right now.  I am of course putting all of this down to the new bedroom which is my perfect space and I think that just having somewhere of my own to retreat to has made all the difference but whatever it is I find that I'm almost totally destressed nowadays and this is helping Ash so much.  I've noticed over the past couple of weeks that if I can put a smile not only on my face but in my eyes and, more importantly, in my voice then he's visibly happier and more at ease with life and being calmer and happier myself makes that so much easier for me to do.  Having to go to bed early because Ash needs his sleep? that's ok because I can sit up and read as long as I like.  Get woken early?  that's ok because I can take a cup of tea back to bed and redesign the garden from my view through the window.  Exhausted from being woken early morning after morning?  that's ok because I can go and lie on my bed in calm surroundings and nap whenever I want.  Life really does seem to have turned itself around and I'm very much enjoying myself right now.  Not only that but Ash obviously feels he can tell me when he's struggling, he trusts me to sort out his problems and I think he's proud of what I'm achieving.  The high point of all of this was when he came downstairs this morning to see if it was time to get up and actually gave me a hug.  Since his diagnosis that has only happened when he's noticed I've been upset and the two things only rarely went together so to get an unprompted 'happy' hug was the loveliest feeling in the world. 

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Carol S. said…
Your bedroom looks really lovely Jane - your own oasis of calm. You’ve inspired me to start decorating here. I think as I’m going to be spending more time at home than I have previously I ought to do like you and make my home a lovely relaxing space to be. A new hobby as well into the bargain. I think the quote you chose today is perfect as well. I guess we can choose between seeing our home as a prison as we live with dementia or we can see it as our own haven. I’m choosing the latter. Still spending as much time out in nature as we can walking our dog, which also helps us both, but exploring lots of ways to enjoy relaxing at home too.
So glad it seems to be working so well for you.
Love Carol
Jane said…
You're so right Carol about seeing home as a haven. I'd love to decorate all of it but not sure Ash could cope so have started with my bedroom and it's the perfect sanctuary for me. Since I've done it I seem to have far more head space to cope with everything else.
Carol S. said…
I guess we are permanently in our own company so we owe it to ourselves to be the best company we can - a clear calm headspace is a much better companion than one caught up in negative thoughts you can’t get away from. Must admit I find painting walls very relaxing, also clutter clearing and I’ve plenty of both to get on with and all the time in the world really. British summer time next week too and more daylight hours - yeahhhh !!!!!