Looking forward with enthusiasm

Took my breakfast up to my lovely bedroom this morning, moved the chair in front of the (almost) floor height window, put my feet on the windowsill and gazed out at the garden.  This is the first time I've ever done that and it gave me a whole new perspective on the view from that particular window.  I now have lots of thoughts on what I want to do out there and lots of ideas to make it more colourful.  What I find interesting is that I've never been so involved in what goes on inside this house or outside in the garden and I can't believe the change in me.  This wasn't Ash's fault you understand but there was something in his ability to do absolutely anything that needed to be done which made me feel that it really was nothing to do with me.  Yesterday I finished painting a stool which I've turned into a bedside table.  It was a scruffy thing I brought with me when we got married.  It's pine, was covered in blobs of paint where it had been used over the years for resting paint pots and was destined for the tip.  I used my new sander to get it smooth, painted it with undercoat and then finished it in a pale eggshell blue to go with the beach theme of the bedroom.  I was just finishing the painting and was very happy with it when Ash walked through and pointed out a couple of bits I'd missed which, in the past, would have been my cue for handing him the paint brush and walking away (remember the door handle and the screwdriver in our first house?).  This time however I decided I was more than happy with what I'd done and also realised that it was just for me not anyone else so I finished the painting, left it to dry and then carried it upstairs where it's sits very happily keeping a place for my night time reading.  The thing is that I'm finding a new confidence in myself, an ability to make decisions and to take responsibility for my actions which would never have happened if it hadn't been for dementia and that's taken me by surprise.

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