One of the difficulties of the lead up to a diagnosis of dementia is that the way you really feel about each other gets lost in the awfulness of 'now' and afterwards your view of all those years when you were happy are coloured by that most recent experience. This was brought home to me with great force this afternoon when I made a discovery. I'd decided to clear out all those clothes which are now too big for me and was having a lovely time filling bin bags with stuff I'm never going to wear again. I'd worked my way through the wardrobe until there were more empty hangers than full, had cleared shelves and was just wondering what on earth I'm going to wear this summer when I decided to start on the drawers and there, at the very bottom of the very last drawer I emptied, was a Valentine card from Ash to me. I've no idea when he'd given it to me but in it he said the loveliest things you can possibly imagine and suddenly all the memories came flooding back. All the fun, the friendship, the wonderful times and it felt as though I'd been hit over the head with a sledge hammer. What we've been through over the last ten years no longer mattered, all that's happening now disappeared from my mind and instead the past grabbed me and held me tight. I know I can get through this dementia affected life, I am sure there is something better than this waiting for me but I also remembered that what went before was something very special indeed. I'm so glad we had it and, however upset I was this afternoon, I'm so please I found that card.
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