Knowing that life has improved
I wake up every morning with the best of intentions to write a full and informative post and then frequently find myself at 4pm having started none of it and with no idea which part of the day to include. Today has been no different. We went to the garden centre this morning to buy a present for friends, I had a lovely, and very long, video call with one of my best friends who lives on the other side of the world and then I spent an hour and a half trying to sort out the pre-payment card sent to me on behalf of the council who are paying a very small amount towards L coming every week. This is fine and I'm actually grateful for any help towards the bill but the first one has come in and the council haven't given me their share towards it so that's a little stressful. So that's three things I could write about but the first and the third were quite boring and the middle one was private so what to do?
With that in mind I've been thinking about how far we've come over the past year, certainly since the beginning of lockdown number 1 in March 2020 and am feeling quite pleased with myself. Each post I write on here has a meme attached to it and they're taken from a folder where I save any that I see and feel are appropriate. Every day I go into that folder and choose from my store but recently I've noticed there are some that no longer apply and I realise how far I've moved on from the early days of dark despair. I think I might take you through some of them and tell you why they're no longer of any use, what's changed and how that change has come about. There are lots of them and I'd hate to bore you so I'll do one or two at a time and see what you think.
The first one of those old memes that I see each day says 'Wow, that's a lovely shade of envy you're wearing today' and I remember the post where I wrote about how I'd look at couples our age walking hand in hand, chatting away to each other and making plans for the future. I was beside myself with grief that we couldn't do that any more and I thought of all the things we used to talk about and the plans we had. Now I don't feel envy, partly because I know that no-one's life is perfect but also because I realise that what went before was lovely and, even if there's to be no more of it, I won't ever lose what we had. I'm also happy with where I am right here and right now and that has made such a difference to my way of thinking. I've created a life I like and sometimes I even love it; in fact there are no days now where I wake up dreading what's to come and mostly I wake with a smile on my face.
So that's the first one and I'll drop others in along the way just so that those of you at the beginning of this journey can see that it may be the end of life as you knew it but the future can be so much better than you could possibly imagine right now. I really hope it helps.