Carer confusion has benefits

 Yesterday we had some carer confusion when the lovely L didn't arrive.  I was due in Lincoln at 11.30 so had to leave Ash on his own in the hope that she'd arrive soon after I drove out of the village but it wasn't to be.  I stopped halfway and found a missed call from him, phoned him back and talked through his confusion then phoned the agency who promised to find out what had happened and let me know.  Arrived in Lincoln to find a message saying that there'd been a family emergency and L was unavailable but that someone else was on their way so phoned Ash to relay that message and found him still a little confused but seemingly happy for a brand new person to be arriving at the door at any moment.

I debated phoning the agency again with instructions on what he liked/didn't like, what he did when L was with him, where everything was and all the other things I thought they should know but then pulled myself up.  These people are professionals, it's what they're trained to do and I already knew that Ash was completely different when he was with L so how much did I really know about him in this situation.

I put my faith in the agency and left them to it.  Got home at 4.30 to find Ash sitting on the patio with a different L chatting away like old friends.  After she'd left he told me three times how much he'd liked her and when he went to bed he said what a nice day he'd had which told me everything I needed to know.

The interesting facts here, as far as I'm concerned, are that he accepted someone new without question, that he wasn't unsettled by the earlier difficulties because he knew it was all under control and that it didn't matter that L wasn't with him.  

As long as he likes the person by his side it appears he's happy and I feel much better about introducing a new carer on a different day.  We did try someone else for a couple of weeks but it didn't work out and I was a little worried that he'd got so used to L that no-one else would do but it seems that's not the case which is just another step forward in making life easier for both of us.

And just so you know, I had coffee with family in the morning and lunch with two school friends, one of whom I haven't had a proper conversation with for forty years.  Just because I put my faith in the agency and it's staff Ash and I both had a lovely, lovely day.

If you too are thinking about getting someone in, even if it's just so you can have some 'me' time, then I really would suggest giving it a go.  If it doesn't work out you can always move on to plan B but it just might be the best thing that happens to both of you and whichever way it goes you'll learn from the experience I promise.

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Anonymous said…
Jane, you radiate strength. I am amazed at how you can share your experiences and life, and how similar mine is. My heart breaks for you, for all of us. I’ve been on the receiving end of some things I can’t believe were said, and, turn around, and tomorrow is our anniversary. 31 years. And he wants to take me to the jewelry store, and out to dinner. I’m starting to get caregivers starting in August. To you, and all who follow you, thank you.
Marcia H
Jane said…
Hi Marcia. to be honest I feel a bit of a cheat with this blog because writing it helps me far more, I'm sure than those that read it. Writing it makes me focus on the positive, or at least most of the time, and the odd time I've decided not to write for any length of time it's been downhill all the time. Have a lovely anniversary and treasure the memory if it works out as well as it hopes.