Exciting times ahead
You'll be pleased to know that I'm over yesterday's little blip and back on track partly due, I think, to the fact that the next step of the carer plan means I have a night off tomorrow. The lovely L is coming at lunch time and I'm going to spend the afternoon with my mum followed by the evening and night with Jake and the seven year old then a whole day to myself on Thursday, coming home for 5pm.
Keep your fingers crossed for me because if this works it opens up a whole new world of possibilities. If it doesn't then of course I'll have to have a rethink because, however much I need my life to open up a little, I won't do anything which distresses Ash.
This has been in the planning for ages, even before my week away, but it was only this morning when I realised how excited I am and that showed me something else too. When you share your life with dementia, however much you love, care for, and are committed to the person with the diagnosis your life shrinks without you realising.
You might, as I do, have wonderful friends who fill your life with fun and laughter; you might, as I do, be able to escape for a few hours each week but if you're looking in from the outside don't ever think this is a normal life.
My weekly walks with friends involve them doing the travelling so that I don't have to be away from Ash for too long, nights out are no longer an option, the local swimming sessions/cinema times don't fit around the carers and holidays or weekends away can only happen if someone can be here in my place.
So, from lunchtime tomorrow until 5pm on Thursday, with only a small amount of anxiety in my head, I have freedom. A visit to my mum, collecting the little one and taking him home, spending an evening chatting to Jake, all things that haven't happened in such a long time and I can't wait. They're such small things but they will be absolutely wonderful and, if this works out, there will be more like them and how good is that going to be!!
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