I've said on more than one occasion that there is almost always a solution to a problem if we only look hard enough and yesterday saw me coming up with two of them.
The first difficulty came when Ash put bread under the grill and then walked away, forgetting all about it and making himself a sandwich instead. Luckily I smelt burning and raced through to switch it all off while at the same time looking down a very narrow life path as it dawned on me that leaving Ash on his own might have just become a thing of the past. Selfishly, while he was distraught at what he'd done, I was in despair as I saw my freedom disappear in front of my eyes.
I promise you I kept calm but he kept apologising and apologising which drove me completely crazy until, in the end, I went out to the garden just to get some head space. Some people use gardening as a way of calming down but it's never had that effect on me. Fresh air and time on my own were definitely needed however and I couldn't think what else to do.
In fact I'd been woken for a cup of tea at 4.40am so was exhausted as well as stressed and way past thinking straight so I headed for the weeding tool and looked around. Remember that exhaustion? At that point I couldn't even figure out what weeds to pull up so instead started clearing leaves from a flower bed and that's when I worked out the first of my solutions.
Usually, when I'm sleep deprived and then, on top of that deprivation, something goes wrong I struggle to deal with it and instead sink into a fug of despair. I work my way through the 'what ifs' and the 'if onlys' ending up feeling so sorry for myself that I forget completely how Ash must be feeling. Yesterday, as I picked up leaves one at a time with my fingers, I realised that doing a job which requires a very tight focus but little in the way of brain power, is the best way for me to clear my head. I had music playing in my ears, I didn't have to think and slowly but surely I began to feel better.
I'm now compiling a list of jobs for the future which will need that same tight focus and can see my house becoming neater and tidier in the process so that's all good.
When I came inside a couple of hours later I suddenly saw a solution to the cooker problem. It runs on gas and the gas is from a bottle which stands at the side of the house. All I have to do is turn the gas off at the bottle whenever I'm not cooking. How simple is that!!
If any of you have solutions that help get you through this and keep you sane I'd love to hear them as I'm sure would everyone else.
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