At the bottom of the list

 Yesterday I talked about how, as a carer, your own needs become sidelined just because that's the easiest way to make life manageable.  So that was yesterday but today this hit me with full force.

Jake sent me an email this morning titled 'Birthday' and asking if we wanted to meet up for breakfast on 17th October.  The nearly 8 year old is actually 8 at the end of the month so I automatically assumed it was for him and replied with that in mind.  I accepted of course suggesting a cafe bearing his name as an extra treat and then went out for the day.

My day was really, really lovely.  I met up with old school friends one of whom I haven't seen for over 40 years and the time flew as we reverted to the teenagers we used to be.  We had coffee, lunch, more coffee and then tea before it was time to come home and I drove away with a huge smile on my face.

Got home to another email from Jake to say the nearly 8 year old wouldn't be at the breakfast and I was stumped.  Whose birthday was it then?  I thought and thought, couldn't work it out and had actually started to ask the question of him when I realised it was my birthday two days after the suggested breakfast and this was to be my  celebration.

This really does go to show how much my life and my thinking has changed over the past few years.  Birthdays, both mine and Ash's, used to be special.  There would be a meal and champagne involved, presents and surprises and lots of other things to lift the day out of the ordinary but now I'd forgotten about my own big day.

Just in case you're feeling sorry for me right now I have to say that I have organised a treat of my own to be collected on my birthday so it wasn't going to go completely unnoticed but today I was obviously nowhere near the top of my priorities and I'm not sure whether to be proud of that fact or just a little bit sad.  What I do know is that this isn't for ever and that thought is what makes life ok.

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Cornwall Girl said…
Only thing that surprises me is that you're surprised!!!!😁🤣🤣
Jane said…
but this is so not me. The thing I'm surprised at is that I've become so selfless. Never, ever happened before.
CW said…
Thank you for the reminder. I've been sad and distracted these past few days because the husband of a friend passed away this past weekend. He had Parkinson's and Lewy Body dementia. We volunteered together at one time, and after her husband got too ill for her to leave him, she quit the volunteer work but we got to know one another again when we both began attending the caregiver support group meetings here in town. He was ill for 6 years before passing and it's bothered me that my own husband was diagnosed 6 years ago and he's showing signs that his dementia is seriously progressing. Then you post a reminder that it won't always be like this--that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.
Carol said…
I too look forward to the time when my life will be ‘mine’ again. Unfortunately we have to live through the really difficult bit before the end and as things are bad enough now I don’t know how I will cope with that. I hope you will be able to write with positivity at that time Jane. My positives are, like you, good friends and ‘time out’.