As you know I can't stay down for long and this morning saw my thoughts take yet another turn.
I wrote a couple of weeks ago that I had cleared out some of the kitchen cupboards. I threw out enough unwanted stuff to leave one whole cupboard completely empty and was left with a feeling of complete satisfaction. However there were a couple of cupboards still to attack and that was my intention today.
One of the things relevant to this story is that in a previous life we entertained. When I say entertained I mean that we had friends round for meals, we had parties and we hosted fund raising events. All of these needed crockery, cutlery and serving dishes none of which have seen the light of day for at least two years and, in some cases, much longer than that. It was those unused and unloved items that I was going to get rid of. I had the relevant charity shops in mind, thought I might put some stuff on facebook and also see if any friends who were still enjoying a social life could use any of it.
I opened the first cupboard door, delved in and began to pull things out. It was so long since I'd needed any of it that I really had no idea what I might find and the only thing I was sure of was that these things were no longer of any use and would be better off elsewhere.
A little while later I was looking at a pile of stuff that had been of great use in our previous life and I realised I wasn't quite so sure about getting rid of it. Now I'm really not a hoarder. Things might sit unforgotten for a long time in this house but once I've made the decision to have a clear out then clear out I do. Today however it suddenly occurred to me that this life isn't going to last for ever and that when I'm out the other side I will once again be able to have friends round for a meal, be able to hold parties and maybe even be able to host fund raising events. It won't be the same without Ash by my side but, if I take a deep breath and pretend I'm a grown up, I might just be able to get my life back.
I know this is in the future and I have no idea how far into the future it might be but I decided once again, as I put everything back in the cupboards that, although right now there is a definite need to live in the present, it really doesn't hurt to plan ahead.