Yet another light bulb moment

 My latest light bulb moment happened yesterday and I can't quite believe I hadn't thought of it before. 

Ash's speech is getting more and more jumbled and frequently, it seems, he comes to tell me something but struggles to get the words out.

This is such a great improvement on the days, months and years where he didn't bother talking to me at all that I've been trying really hard to understand what he's saying and to turn it into a conversation.  Now Jake and I did learn, when we went on our course with Contented Dementia, that a good move is to murmur soothing things when your loved one is talking to you so I did know that but these were times when Ash sought me out to tell me something he'd just seen on the news or had glimpsed out of the window.

Yesterday I realised that at these times he doesn't actually want or need a conversation he just wants to share his thoughts with me and the best way forward is for me to accept the thought, respond with warmth and leave it at that.  He's told me what he wants to tell me and whether I've understood or not is totally irrelevant.

This is so liberating for both of us that I felt a need to share it with you.  Having said that, I might just be slow on the uptake and it's something you've already discovered for yourselves but then again maybe not.

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Comments

Parkywife said…
I have come to same conclusion myself through it’s nice for my conclusion to be validated by someone else so thanks for sharing . My husband can no longer speak and generally he is mute but sometimes he is trying hard to tell
Me something and I like you accept it. Try hard to catch a word so I can confirm my comprehension as sometimes I say I’m sorry but his words are coming out jumbled up and I appreciate how frustrating that must be to him. I discovered a few years ago that he is calmed by me stroking his head . It seems always to work . And it’s my go to calming device. Keep up the good work . May courage br with us .
30 November 2021 at 20:42
Tehachap said…
Yes, and when he's tired, his voice gets down to a whisper and I have to be very close to him to get what he's saying. Several times he's not had the energy to speak and says, "never mind" by waving his hand at me. His voice has already changed and it's gravely at best and almost non-existent at its worst. Patience is all we can do...
1 December 2021 at 00:53
Jane said…
Ash doesn't really talk to me much although apparently he's happy to chat to others (sometimes). I think he did find it frustrating when he knew I was trying to understand and he couldn't be clear about what he was saying. This way I hope I can remove the stress for both of us. fingers crossed.
1 December 2021 at 20:48
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