Life has its ups and downs

A few up and down moments as usual but really we're on a fairly even keel so life isn't too bad.  

The first sign of how far we've come over this last year was to be seen when we went to deliver Christmas cards around the village.  Last year Ash went with me under sufferance, spent the whole time refusing to speak to me or interact with anyone we met.  He was absolutely vile and I just wished I'd left him at home.  Cut to Friday and he walked with me, chatting as we went, pointing out things of interest and chatting with friends on the doorstep.  The difference was amazing and I'm convinced that it's all down to having carers in.  L may not have worked out in the end but she did boost Ash's confidence in the beginning and now we have S who is just a miracle worker.  Both of them, and Jake, have shown Ash that he can manage without me and that has made such a difference to him.  

Yesterday wasn't quite so good and I wondered whether that was because I went walking in the morning.  I really hope that wasn't the reason because I've had a feeling for a while that those walks might be coming to an end not because Ash needs me particularly but because he no longer does well in his own company.  I was back home by 11.30 only to find that lunch had been eaten already which showed that he was confused but also at a loss what to do with himself.  The afternoon saw him back on track when we went to deliver cards outside the village.  Ash held them, read the envelopes, told me who to visit next and generally seemed on top of it all which was nice.  Then came tea time when he momentarily took me for S.  It wasn't the first time so had no effect on me which was a relief but he obviously wasn't quite as on top of things as I thought.

This morning he woke me up at 3.10am in a confused state which I dealt with very patiently.  What I didn't deal with quite so well was finding him bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6am when I felt as though I'd been hit over the head with a cricket bat.  When Ash wakes that early he's up and dressed by 7am and so it was today.  The problem with this is that he has too much time on his hands and has no idea how to fill it so this morning was a struggle.  We got through it though with me biting my tongue so much it was almost bleeding but this afternoon was better and so we go on.

This is already a very long post and I'd hate to bore you so I'll wait until tomorrow to tell you about the scone discovered lurking in the cupboard, the trials and tribulations of putting the Christmas cards up and the story of the bin.  None of those are earth shattering but each one served to show me how Alice must have felt when she went through the looking glass.

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