Confusion all round
Thursday is bin day in this village and it's Ash's job to take ours to the top of the drive and leave it by the roadside. They're collected very, very early so need to go out the night before and if anyone forgets the bin doesn't get emptied for two weeks. Two weeks ago Ash forgot to put the bin out so yesterday I reminded him and off he went to deliver it to the relevant spot.
Later in the evening there was something needing to go into the bin so Ash took it up in the dark and all seemed well.
This morning he went out with Max for his early morning trip round the church and came back to tell me that he'd missed the bin men. I really couldn't work out how that could be so, stupidly, started thinking out loud about what could have happened. I decided that the bin must have been missed and, again out loud, decided I need to ring the council and get the lorry to come back.
At this point Ash was getting cross and telling me it was nothing to do with the council so I thought he must have brought the bin back last night when he took the extra rubbish up. Remember at this point that, when dementia is involved, absolutely anything is possible and that scenario was absolutely probable.
My biggest concern was that when I looked in the bin yesterday it was absolutely full and there was no way we could get another 2 week's rubbish in it.
I obviously wanted to check but before I did that I had to get dressed and before I did that I needed a shower and I was on a timetable because S was coming and I was going to see my mum so my stress levels were rising throughout all of this.
Before I went in the shower Ash tried to explain what he'd been talking about but I couldn't work any of it out so he got cross and, instead of remaining calm and collected until I could get out there and look, I shouted, he shouted back and everything went pear shaped.
Finally I managed to locate the bin in it's usual place. I opened the lid, looked in and it was absolutely and completely empty. So what an earth had just happened? I had no idea and it was another of those times when I felt the world tilt on its axis and it seemed I'd followed Alice down the rabbit hole once again.
These episodes, although not regular, confound and exhaust me but there was still my mum to visit so all had to be put to one side and ignored. There were more important things to think about.
It was a few hours later, as I walked around town in the rain, that I realised what had happened. Occasionally Ash sees the bin men when they're in the village and on a couple of occasions he's had a joke with them and taken photos. What he'd meant was that he'd been too late for the photo opportunities.
I know that I've added lots of new skills to my CV recently but I have to tell you here and now that mind reading isn't one of them and life would be so much easier if it was.
And I really am grateful for the small things. They're what makes life manageable.
But I get the point, and it sure is a lonely place to be when we can’t even think aloud, which is all I do, without being attacked. I try and try to “crack the code” as it were, but sometimes I am just so tired and have no patience. Then we get into these snippy back and forths. I end up feeling guilty and so on.