Patience once again pays dividends
We're still involved in Christmas preparations and I'm still learning the benefits of practicing patience, something which doesn't come easily at all.
All the cards we got ready on Saturday have been divided into three piles one of which was for posting. That particular pile had been sitting on the kitchen table watching my every move and today was the day for adding the stamps.
I was having a really busy day and almost left Ash to put those stamps on all of those envelopes by himself but, at the last minute, thankfully, I thought better of it. Instead I slowed down, took a deep breath and suggested we did it together. Five minutes later we sat either side of the table, Ash with the cards in front of him and me in charge of the stamps. Ash took the cards off the pile one at a time, I handed him a stamp, made sure he stuck it in the right place and the right way up (not a foregone conclusion at all) then watched as he put it onto another pile before reaching for the next one. Not the quickest way of getting cards ready for posting but infinitely less stressful than the original plan and once again Ash felt part of the preparations and, more importantly, useful.
The thing that made me just a little sad was that Ash, the man who was one of the worlds greatest problem solvers, really had no idea which way round to put the stamp no matter how long and how hard he stared at the envelopes he'd already done. Each and every time he checked with me to make sure he'd got it right and that felt very wrong.
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and yes it is heartbreaking. Ash used to love Christmas and ours was full of traditions, surprises and joy. What we have now, like Ash himself, is a pale imitation of what used to exist in our lives.