Would I go back?
If I could turn the clock back to our pre-dementia days would I? That's a question I found myself asking today. No particular reason but it was the middle of the night, I'd just been woken for the second time and I had at least a few minutes to kill before I got back to sleep and possibly longer. In the event sleep came quite quickly but this morning the question nudged at my mind once again and I wondered how I felt.
There were of course so many lovely things about our old life and those parts I would like to have again but there are skills that I've gained, personality traits I've discovered and experiences I've had just because dementia came into our lives. Those things have become such a huge part of this new me that I'd hate to lose them and so I'm in a bit of a quandary.
I've certainly gained in confidence; I find I can tackle almost any difficulty life throws my way; I'm happy in my own company; I'm able to walk away from anything that makes me unhappy without a need for justification; I'm able to make decisions all by myself and on and on. None of that would have happened if I hadn't come into close contact with dementia and so I wonder whether this experience has been all bad.
There's all the racing around I used to do. Having to stay at home may have made life a little uncomfortable financially but I've rediscovered my friends; I have time to talk to them, to listen to them and to remember the small things like birthdays which were likely to have been missed when life was busy.
I have time to appreciate where we live, what we have and who's always there for us whereas, before, I took it all for granted.
So if this had never happened I would still be happy with my life, very happy in fact, but there are lessons here which would never have come my way if dementia hadn't come knocking and I find the realisation of that fact makes all of this much, much easier to deal with.
How about you? How has this experience changed you? I'd love to know.