Getting the most out of life
Someone said recently that any day of this new life where nothing dreadful happened could be counted as a positive day. The comment was in response to the post on my Positivity Jar and I read it and, at the time, agreed. I really did agree because those days are special and can't, mustn't, be taken for granted.
Since then however I've been thinking. Life with the old Ash was lived in technicolour; it was fun, full of adventure and I never quite knew what was coming next, which is why I sometimes find myself in a tangle of thoughts now.
I am grateful for 'uneventful' days, the ones where nothing bad happens and the ones where we both get to bedtime unscathed but that can't be all there is. All those years with 'my' Ash gave me an appetite for so much more and this life feels grey by comparison.
Ash came into my life properly when I was fifteen and I'm who I am largely because of him. He taught me to have fun, that life was for living and that the next adventure was always just around the corner so it seems to me if I don't keep an eye out for new adventures I'll be wasting all of those lessons. If I don't find ways to have fun, if I just exist rather than actually looking for a way to regain some of the colour that's gone missing, I feel as though I'd be letting him down.
Everyone has their own way of coping with this life and this then is mine. The main part of my life is on hold for now but there are glimmers of light around the edges and spots of sunshine through the middle. Those, I've decided, are my focus and even, I think, Ash's legacy.
He taught me to make the most of life, to find joy wherever possible, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now with my version of the Positivity Jar. The events I put into that jar will continue to be the ones that make me smile and I'm determined not to settle for anything less.