A clearer head
I used to be a voracious reader. Almost any book would grab my attention and I liked nothing better than to curl up with my latest find and ignore the world. Once, when we went camping to France for three weeks, I read nine books while we were away and had a moment of panic when I thought I was going to run out before the end of the holiday.
Then life got in the way and I started to read in bed at the end of the day or on holiday but not at other times.
Then home and work became difficult and I felt exhausted all the time which meant I struggled to read real books because my tired eyes needed larger print so I switched to an e-reader. Suddenly I had hundreds of books at my fingertips but the enthusiasm was waning.
After Ash's diagnosis I couldn't settle to anything and sitting down to read just seemed to underline the lack of useful things to do in my life and so it went on.
Then I moved into my own bedroom, turned it into a sanctuary and put a chair up there which gave me a calm space all to myself and I once again turned to physical books.
That was a year ago and, gradually, I've settled back into reading. Last Summer I went to stay with friends who took me to the most amazing second hand bookshop and I stocked up. Last week I started a brand new book and finished it in three days. I think you can see that reading is properly back on my agenda and the moment I would give as proof was the moment I found myself making time to read rather than fitting it in around everything else.
I've been thinking about this and have come to the conclusion that I'm finally, after many long and difficult years, starting to relax and my head is beginning to clear.
Whether this will continue remains to be seen but I like the thought that I'm rediscovering myself and the reading is evidence of that.
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