Post holiday blues are overcome
Had my usual Saturday morning walk yesterday except it wasn't. For a while now Ash has struggled with being on his own. He doesn't know what to do with himself and that makes him anxious which, in turn has given me the feeling that my walks will very soon be coming to an end.
Yesterday, friend (because she's one of the best) came here rather than meeting me out in one of our usual spots and we walked from the door. A short walk, not out long and Ash coped but there was a discussion about what to do in the slightly longer term and that was, once again, when I could feel the walls closing in.
One of the lovely things about my week away was the lack of responsibility but it also reminded me of what life used to be like and yesterday highlighted the difference between that life and this one.
This morning I woke feeling just a little sorry for myself and the morning didn't go well. Ash was needy, no doubt because of my mood, and kept asking what we were doing. The problem was that everything I came up with just made him grumpier which, in turn, made me snap more and more and things got more and more difficult.
I had another walk planned this afternoon with a different friend but this time Ash was to come too. When I planned it a couple of weeks ago, I had such high hopes. Today my heart sank at the thought of what his mood would be and sure enough he made it very plain that he didn't want to go anywhere at all. The real problem though was that he didn't want to stay at home either. It really was 'one of those days' and if you share your life with dementia I'm very sure you'll recognise my description.
So we arrived at the meeting place and set off with Ash in a grump and me with a heavy heart. Luckily this friend too was there to help. She jollied Ash along, got him taking photos, made him smile and, by half way round, he was back to his recent sunny self. Not only that but we went back to her house afterwards, drank tea, chatted and all the while the smiles were still in place.
When we got home I mentioned how nice it had been and Ash agreed saying how great this particular friend was. He then asked me if I'd ever met her before. We've all been friends for over 40 years and were at each other's weddings but I just smiled and said 'yes'. Such is life with dementia.