Small challenges

 Another pleasant day today.  Still no angry outbursts, still no sign of frustration but there were small things that took me by surprise a little.

We went shopping and, as you know, that's a useful barometer for where we are on this road with dementia.

So what were the small challenges?  Well there was the trolley confusion because someone was in the process of putting one away and had chosen the line Ash had decided on; there was the time I'd told him to stay in one place while I fetched something from further down the aisle and then, when I turned round I almost tripped over the trolley he'd pushed to my heels; we got to the checkout and he couldn't work out how to open up the bag we'd taken with us; he couldn't work out how to put items into the bag and on and on.  In fact I'd go so far as to say Ash seemed to be inhabiting another world throughout the whole shopping trip.

This afternoon there was more of the other world impression but, and this is the important thing, he was totally calm and seemingly happy and if that's how the decline in abilities is going to go that's fine by me.  Once upon a time my heart would sink at the thought of what was to come but, right now, I can cope with this.

I'm also finding that the nicer Ash is to me the less I need to escape.  I still go up to my room with my breakfast but that's because it takes me a while to come to in a morning, and I still need my weekly day out, but other than that I find we're spending much more time together and we seem to be enjoying each other's company.

As always I'm not completely relaxed about it and I'm not ready to let down my guard in case the hurt starts up all over again but for now this is much, much better than I've come to expect.

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Tehachap said…
Oh yes... I know these situations well. The simplest of things and it's like you're speaking a foreign language to them. Hang in there... and blessings to you both--so very happy that Ash is exhibiting such a calm and happy existence these days. It makes life so enjoyable, and allows you the patience needed to overlook the small inconsistencies of life with dementia.
Elaine Koontz said…
So happy for you and Ash at this time. Such a pleasure to read your blogs because you don't seem to be trying to escape from his presence anymore, or at least for now. God bless you both! Elaine
Jane said…
You're right Elaine, I don't spend my time trying to escape any more but that's because he's nice to me nowadays. He was my best friend from when I was 15 years old but after the diagnosis, for four and a half years I bore the brunt of his anger and frustration. The only way to ensure my own survival was to tuck myself away and avoid the horribleness (not sure that's even a word but it says everything) of it all as much as possible.