Not a celebration

For our honeymoon we travelled to the South of France, on a coach, to a campsite where the tent was ready and waiting for us.  For our Silver wedding anniversary we flew to Nice, hired a soft top sports car, drove to that honeymoon town and stayed in a hotel.  Four weeks after that we flew with friends to Venice for a long weekend. For our 30th wedding anniversary we hired a cottage on a beach on the west coast of Scotland.  To get to it we had to drive across two fields and down a cliff face in the Land Rover and once there we didn't see another soul all week.

Yesterday was so different and I found it very, very hard to deal with.  In fact I cried the sort of tears I haven't cried in months, if not years.  I cried all morning, only pulling myself together when we set off to meet friends for lunch.  

Lunch didn't go as planned for a variety of reasons, the main one being that fish and chips were nowhere to be seen on the menu.  If I tell you it was downhill from then on I think you might be able to guess the rest.  In fact it went so far downhill that I even cried in front of the friends.

Luckily none of our friends are easily put off and these particular friends, rather than taking fright and disappearing out of our lives as they so easily could have done, instead suggested somewhere else that they know Ash likes for next time.  We know fish and chips will be available and I have high hopes the whole think might be more of a success.

This morning I woke up and decided to leave the whole sorry experience behind.  Today was another day and I felt mentally stronger and able to deal with life again which always helps.  Unfortunately Ash has chosen tonight to go to bed at 8pm which, if previous experience is anything to go by, means he'll be awake many, many times during the night.

Wish me luck.

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Carol S said…
Jane I’m so sorry life is so difficult for you at the moment. On the positive side you are fortunate in having such a supportive group of friends. You and Ash have had a very special relationship and some wonderful experiences together. I hope there comes a time when thoughts of these can bring you happy memories rather than sadness over what you have lost. I guess all of us living alongside dementia are going through a grieving process really whilst all the time trying to cope with shifting sands.
I do wish you luck in having a quiet night tonight and Ash moving onto a more settled phase soon. Xx