A year for adventures

 Hello.  How are you all and, more importantly, how is the dementia that dogs the lives of some of you?

I can't believe how long it's been since I've seen you and there is so much to tell that I'm not sure where to start.

Part of me has wondered whether I have anything relevant to say now that Ash is no longer at home but then I thought you might like to know how I'm working my way through the aftermath.  I also wanted you to know that there is life the other side of it all and that, if you can gather the strength, your new life is full of possibilities.  

The first thing I should tell you is that the run up to Christmas was more stressful than I expected.  After two years of scaled back decorations and muted plans I'd decided that it was time to reclaim the fun that was always part of our family celebrations so the boxes came out and Jake and the 9 year old came to help.  I was looking forward to it all and the very last thing I expected was to find myself, halfway through, sobbing on Jake's shoulder,  He suggested we left it all but that seemed to me to be a waste of all the family Christmases that had gone before so I pulled myself together and by the time we'd finished it looked just as lovely as all those years before dementia arrived to spoil things.

Christmas itself was spent at Jake's with the 9 year old and other friends and was joyous.  Jake had moved as far away from our family traditions as was humanly possible which meant burgers cooked on the BBQ followed by a Nerf Gun war with the children.  Max and I excused ourselves from the latter and went for a long, quiet walk all by ourselves which was just what was needed and in that way we not only survived Christmas but I would say we thrived as we made our way through our first 'first' - Christmas without Ash.

New Year had been another institution for the two of us.  Almost always spent with friends and, until the last few years, something to be celebrated so I decided that, once again, I needed to do something different.  To that end I scooped Max up again, deposited him in the car and headed off to a place I'd managed to book at the last minute.  We walked on beaches, braced ourselves against the wind and cleared our heads until it was time to come home, feeling better than either of us had felt for a long time I think.  

So then it was into 2023.  This was, and is, to be my year for adventure and the first of many (I hope) was a trip to Western Australia.  Has that stunned you?  The idea came to me after I realised how settled and happy Ash was in his new home.  He doesn't need me now, at least not on a daily, or even weekly, basis so I decided it was now or never.

This is the point in the post where I realise I'm in danger of writing for evermore to the point where you're all very bored with me so the rest of the story can come another day.  Watch this space to see how I've managed to clear my head and where I am now. 

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Jane said…
Thank you Carol. I find that each big thing I do without Ash makes me stronger and more confident which can't I think be a bad thing.