What do we think?
A post popped up on FB just now talking about memories and how they can never be taken away which is something I have no argument with. One of the comments however was from a lady who said that even with dementia her mum is still her mum and underneath it all she is still the same person. This I do take issue with. Perhaps in this lady's case it's true but in our case I really don't think Ash is the same person he was before dementia struck. It's true his old sense of humour occasionally shines through but the person I have been with since I was 15 is no longer in existence. I realise that over the years people change and we've both done that but the man who made me laugh every day is no longer there; the man who was always up for an adventure has faded into the background; the man who was consistently calm, always reliable, constantly looking for ways to enjoy life no longer lives in this house. The man with enough energy to last a lifetime, with a joy of the world in his eyes, with a concern for my well being at the forefront of everything has gone AWOL. I'm in a good place just now and for the third day running I've woken feeling proud of what we're achieving but when the lady on FB says her mum is the same person she was before dementia I don't know whether she's deluding herself or just living a different experience to me.
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Heartbreakingly, the worst aspect in our situation is that the love of my life doesn’t even want to “be here”. Three years into caring for him, and trying EVERYTHING to make his life worth living and he’s still saying he wished he’d died (on the operating table).
BUT....I will not be defeated, I will not give up hope. That’s why I love your balanced, honest, posts Jane. You help me see that in every situation there are always moments of fun, as long as there is love. And like you and Ash, we still have that in abundance.