In better shape

 I have to admit that I was still feeling a little sorry for myself this morning, still wishing Ash was the person he used to be, still wishing he'd look at me with the old glow in his eyes but wishing is no use and I'm mostly rooted in reality so I gave myself a mental shake and once again picked up the reigns to get on with things.  Having decided that I sat at the computer and had a look at a photo I'd taken of myself yesterday which I quite liked.  For a long time I hated photos of me because I didn't like what I saw but had no idea how to change and very little motivation to make any of those that were necessary so the easiest thing was to hide from the camera and shut the other thoughts out too.  Then I started to lose weight and get fit and suddenly I felt better about myself so a few photos began to appear and I didn't mind them.  This morning then I looked for yesterday's photo and there, alongside it, was one taken just before Christmas 2019, almost exactly 13 months ago and I couldn't believe the difference, not just in my weight but the whole look of me, and I was amazed at what I saw.  The thing is that I've done this in the middle of what's, arguably, the most difficult time of my life and I think by taking myself in hand I've saved my sanity too.  I gave myself something positive to think about, something other than dementia to focus on, and it was/is one of the best things I've ever done.  Look at the photos and see what you think.  For me they put everything else into perspective.  

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