It's all starting to make sense
If you've been following this blog for a while you'll know that Ash used to do everything. He'd cook, clean, garden, walk the dog, mow the grass, do the washing and on and on. I've said this lots and lots of times and it's true, except that I realised today it's not the whole story.
I've thought about this on and off quite a lot as Ash's skills have gradually disappeared and I've had to take over all those things he used to do and I've sometimes been ashamed at how much he did because it seemed that I didn't have much input into our lives at all.
Today I thought harder and noticed, in amongst all the memories, that the moment Ash began to take on more of the responsibilities in our lives was when my work life became difficult. There was a time when I would leave the house at 7am and not get home until 8 or 9pm while also working at weekends. Not great, very stressful and, at the time, unavoidable. Those hours meant I was never here so Ash stepped up and took over at home just so that it was one less thing for me to worry about.
So Ash was here for me when I really, really needed him and because of him and his support I got through that dark time and not only survived but did it, I think, with some success. Now it's my turn to do the same for him. He needs me and I'm here for as long as that need exists.
It might seem odd but having worked all that out in my head I'm strangely content with this situation we now find ourselves in. He was there for me and now I'm repaying that commitment to 'us' which is just as it should be because where would we be without that sort of loyalty in a relationship.