It's all starting to make sense

If you've been following this blog for a while you'll know that Ash used to do everything.  He'd cook, clean, garden, walk the dog, mow the grass, do the washing and on and on.  I've said this lots and lots of times and it's true, except that I realised today it's not the whole story. 

I've thought about this on and off quite a lot as Ash's skills have gradually disappeared and I've had to take over all those things he used to do and I've sometimes been ashamed at how much he did because it seemed that I didn't have much input into our lives at all.  

Today I thought harder and noticed, in amongst all the memories, that the moment Ash began to take on more of the responsibilities in our lives was when my work life became difficult.  There was a time when I would leave the house at 7am and not get home until 8 or 9pm while also working at weekends.  Not great, very stressful and, at the time, unavoidable.  Those hours meant I was never here so Ash stepped up and took over at home just so that it was one less thing for me to worry about.

So Ash was here for me when I really, really needed him and because of him and his support I got through that dark time and not only survived but did it, I think, with some success.  Now it's my turn to do the same for him.  He needs me and I'm here for as long as that need exists.  

It might seem odd but having worked all that out in my head I'm strangely content with this situation we now find ourselves in.  He was there for me and now I'm repaying that commitment to 'us' which is just as it should be because where would we be without that sort of loyalty in a relationship.


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Comments

Anonymous said…
Carol S. said…
Loyalty comes out of love I think and love always helps us deal with difficult times.
CW said…
I want you to know that I followed your suit and when my new bamboo bread box arrived in pieces today, I calmly took it into my office and began putting it together. I thought about you and how you took on tasks that Ash used to do automatically (like putting new things together) and you did it and it came out fine. I followed the directions and kind of messed up at the beginning, but reworked the pieces until it all came together. I was so proud and it's because you gave me the courage to take on things that I have always depended on Robert to do. Thank you! Robert did approach me at one point and asked if I needed help. I told him no, I was o.k., and I was. He said, "I'm here if you need me." But I didn't need him to help and that was a great feeling.
Anonymous said…
It is good to have such realisations but I feel it is not a repayment but a continual investment in the relationship and marriage our loved ones are still there doing what they can within their limits. Cherish the glimpses of the old Ash and I found that once I I lowered or removed my expectations I became less upset or stressed and every reminder of the past was a bonus and reinforced why we got together and will stay together. I try not to focus on the negatives but hold onto the positives. Sometimes hard but worth it. The less stressed I was so was he.
Jane said…
I'm not sure I really meant that I saw it as a repayment but more that supporting each other through difficult times is part of a solid relationship. Ash supported me when I needed it and now it's my turn to support him. I've slowly recognised that it's what we've done all the way through the 45 years we've been together and that has been such a good feeling.
Jane said…
CW it is a really good feeling isn't it. Every time I do something new and discover a new skill I feel proud of myself and with each step I feel more confident just as you do. Well done you.