Keeping life on an even keel

 This week I've managed two full days just for me.  L was here yesterday and today and both days were  completely different experiences for her and for me.  

Yesterday Ash was horrible as soon as I told him I was going to see my mum and he ignored L as she breezed through the garden gate but I was ready for it.  I'd washed some camouflage gear I'd found during last week's clear out and I'd not only washed it but asked Ash to hang it out on the line.  L took one look and started asking him about it all and then listened intently as he told her all about how he used to use it when he was at work.  The rest of the day went equally well but by the time I walked in the house at the end of the day he was completely grumpy again and refused to talk to me.

This morning I apologised profusely about having to go back to see mum and Ash was completely and utterly understanding.  He was lovely to L when she arrived, happily waved me on my way and I left in the certain knowledge that he was fine.  Got home to a very happy and chatty husband but then listened as L told me (out of Ash's earshot) that between me leaving and returning home he'd been very anxious and Max had been taken on several walks which is what always happens when he's uneasy.

And this is why I'm always caught unawares, why I never know what to expect, but it's also why I keep on with the days out.  With a minimum of one day a week without having to think before I speak I can recharge my batteries and that helps me to put my shoulders back, my chin up and my best step forward all of which benefit Ash too.

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CW said…
Thanks for this. I never thought about the tension I carry from having to monitor my speech with Robert. Thanks...I needed this.
Jane said…
I think that it's not until you step out of your day to day life that you realise how exhausting it all is. And only those of us living it can possibly know how it feels.