About Me
My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers and have been married for nearly 36 years. Just before last Christmas (19th December - the date is indelibly imprinted on my brain) Ash was diagnosed with dementia. This came as a huge shock to me but seems to have been apparent for a while to those who know us well. I thought he was suffering from anxiety and depression, they thought it was odd that sometimes he recognised them and sometimes he didn't. We really don't see what's under our noses, although looking back lots of things have now fallen into place and I think maybe, just maybe, I was in denial.
When this happens your whole world falls apart. He was 58, I was 57 and we were looking forward to a part of our lives where we didn't have to work quite so hard, had time to spend with family and friends and could travel to all of those places we still needed to cross off our list. I cried nearly every day for the first three months after the diagnosis but then I realised that life hadn't suddenly changed, it had been changing slowly and steadily over the past few years. A diagnosis isn't the beginning of this disease it is a staging post. In fact a friend told me that when a person is diagnosed with dementia they have usually had it for around five years already.
I found I couldn't tell people face to face and so sent out emails, first to very close friends then, when I'd got used to talking to them about it, to all our other friends and I was amazed at how many peoples lives have been affected in one way or another by dementia. I was also amazed by the strength of support that came through in replies. Not one person failed to respond and that has made things so much better than I would ever have believed.
I/we are now learning how to cope with a life that is very different to the one we envisaged but things are ok. Who knows how long that will go on but I'm learning to live in the here and now, I try not to plan for the future and I'm learning to relax and not sweat the small stuff.
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When this happens your whole world falls apart. He was 58, I was 57 and we were looking forward to a part of our lives where we didn't have to work quite so hard, had time to spend with family and friends and could travel to all of those places we still needed to cross off our list. I cried nearly every day for the first three months after the diagnosis but then I realised that life hadn't suddenly changed, it had been changing slowly and steadily over the past few years. A diagnosis isn't the beginning of this disease it is a staging post. In fact a friend told me that when a person is diagnosed with dementia they have usually had it for around five years already.
I found I couldn't tell people face to face and so sent out emails, first to very close friends then, when I'd got used to talking to them about it, to all our other friends and I was amazed at how many peoples lives have been affected in one way or another by dementia. I was also amazed by the strength of support that came through in replies. Not one person failed to respond and that has made things so much better than I would ever have believed.
I/we are now learning how to cope with a life that is very different to the one we envisaged but things are ok. Who knows how long that will go on but I'm learning to live in the here and now, I try not to plan for the future and I'm learning to relax and not sweat the small stuff.
If you would like to get this blog straight into your inbox then click on the 'subscribe' button and wait for your verification email which you will need to reply to. If the verification email doesn't appear you can let me know by emailing me at memoryfortwo@gmail.com.
Comments
Also, you are so right to keep up those holidays, and travel as much as you can, whilst it’s still possible (don’t worry, that could be years for you yet!). Sadly, we are a little further down the Dementia ‘road’ and it’s no longer a viable option for my husband. But, we have some amazing memories of past travel, and we now both live everyday taking each moment as it comes and looking for the small things that make us smile. After two years of tears, anger and pain, this third year has finally seen us ‘turn a corner’ to a more peaceful period, and I’m so grateful for that.
Good luck, Jane & Ash. I’ll keep commenting....x
I'm hoping he may write a blog similar to yours as there doesn't seem to be a lot of help for young onset dementia sufferers. I look forward to reading more.
Over that now, thanks to you I am now building in time for me, given new purpose by your words. Thank you Jane!
you have no idea how good your comment has made me feel. I really hope you find Contented Dementia as useful as I did but all I can tell you is that our lives changed for the better overnight the minute I began to use Penny Garner's strategies. I've read it three times now but never to the end. each time I get a little further into it (as far as I need to) and each time I learn something new.
good luck and please let me know how you get on.